Musings from the Emerald Haven + Eclipse Season
PREFACE: For those of you who haven’t met Gabi yet, she is the AMAZING young woman who helps me on a daily basis, running Thrive, supporting clients, and helping me grow and develop Thrive into the wonderful holistic support platform that it has become. I was blessed to have her down here with me for a couple of months while the Emerald Haven was in its final stages of becoming! Her writing is eloquent, authentic, and offers beautiful insights into what it is like to journey into the jungle and heal. It takes a lot of courage to move to another country for work. To be away from family, and all that you know, and to be immersed in the healing arms of Costa Rica, myself, and the cacao! Thank you Gabi, for your courage, dedication to helping me, and your dedication to yourself and healing. – Amber
“I’ve been to the jungle before, why am I so afraid right now?” I asked myself on repeat during the first couple of weeks of my 2-month stay. This was actually my 7th time visiting Costa Rica, yet it was the first time I felt this level of fear and anxiety in my mind and body. I attributed it to seeing a tarantula on my first morning, but the tarantula was simply representing all of the “scary” things within myself I needed to confront. There’s no clearer mirror than the jungle.
In November 2023 I was fortunate enough to stay in The Emerald Haven for about 2 months. I flew out to Costa Rica to work on some in-person projects with Amber and Thrive, and I was so looking forward to resting and relaxing in nature. There was indeed rest and relaxation, however I didn’t realize at the time just how much soul work I was about to step into. It wasn’t anything I had planned or anticipated, nor did I go into the experience with a list of things about myself I wanted to work on. It all just kind of happened naturally. Being immersed in nature, specifically a forest of cacao, is a guaranteed way to see yourself in a new way.
I jumped right into it (and by “it” I mean the depths of my emotions) instantly with the appearance of the tarantula. I feel I should add that I don’t say this to scare anyone from coming! I only saw it in the very beginning when the space hadn’t been occupied. It’s also worth noting that tarantulas are not dangerous to humans and she was only looking for food. It is the jungle and there are wild critters. We humans are but a small piece of the puzzle. Though yes, it is very frightening if you’re not used to it! I was scared and missed the comforts of home. I am a full believer of animals being sent to us as messengers, but at the time I could not be bothered to know what that spider had in store for me. I started to get paranoid about every other possible scary scenario I might run into. What if I stepped on a scorpion?! I didn’t put on any article of clothing without shaking it out first. In itself that’s not a terrible practice, but it was the fearful energy that I was now approaching everything with that began to wear on my spirit.
Within a few weeks, the fear moved on from my immediate physical environment to my life in general. “What am I doing with my life? What is this path I’ve chosen? Have I made a mistake, or many mistakes? Am I sabotaging myself?” I started questioning everything. All of a sudden I didn’t feel secure or safe in the nomadic lifestyle that I had built for myself, even though it was something I had dreamed of for years. I panicked about my finances and the fact that I didn’t have a car (even though I had sold my car in order to live this dream of living nomadically, especially in Costa Rica). I could feel the sensation of anxiety as both little prickles and tingles all over my body and under my skin. I had no choice but to confront these fears and speak them aloud. I am so thankful for Amber and the way she holds space for all of the feelings and emotions that arose, sometimes on a daily basis. She helped me talk through what I was experiencing and put it into perspective. Daily meditation and journaling were my saving grace as I untangled the mess in my mind.
On top of these emotions, I also confronted certain patterns in myself head-on that I’d never really looked at prior. I realized I used substances like marijuana and caffeine as a way to escape what I felt in the current moment under the guise of self-medication. In my time at The Emerald Haven, I went on a major detox of both of these things. I was fully expecting to not use marijuana while I was there, however I didn’t expect it to be so challenging. I was NOT expecting to quit caffeine, but Amber had gently pointed out that it probably wasn’t the best thing for my system at the time due to some things I was experiencing physically. I remember when she told me that and all I could say was “NOT COFFEE TOO!”. I can’t help it, I’m passionate! It was all a huge wake-up call and I began to feel clearer and lighter in the coming weeks. Many of the symptoms that I was experiencing had started to ease up. I felt more in control of my thoughts and emotions and felt so much less anxiety and fear. I had been working with Amber on her business for months already at that point, but this was the beginning of working with her as a holistic healthcare practitioner. It was so helpful to have her support and attentiveness in areas that I had blind spots to.
As I was in the experience, it all felt so difficult. These are just some of the bigger themes of what came up for me during my stay, but truly it felt like every day there was a new lesson learned. I learned new ways to communicate and show up. Nuggets of wisdom dropped in from the trees surrounding me. I began to feel myself strip off layers that were actually not mine to carry any longer. Even though it was challenging, I can’t think of a more beautiful, peaceful, serene, and nurturing environment to have been immersed in. The trees, the animals, the sunsets and sunrises, the constant jungle sounds, all of it held me in a loving embrace as I went through my own personal evolution.
I’m reflecting on and writing this in the middle of Eclipse season (March 25 – April 8) where all of these lessons and metaphors are coming to life again and feeling so very prevalent. Eclipses are times of massive change. Letting go of the old, closing chapters to begin new ones, and completing cycles. Clearing things from the past that we no longer want to move forward with. It’s like we have already dusted our shelves, and now we have to sweep and mop the dust that settled onto the floor. There is energy in the air that supports renewal and transformation. We are being called to connect with our higher self, as in the piece of our spirits that are always connected to Source. The place within us that knows only love and isn’t afraid of the unknown because there is so much trust.
Similar to what happens with an eclipse, I felt like I was exiting a period of darkness and emerging into the light.
If you’re feeling antsy, anxious, on edge, or emotionally scattered, know that you are not going crazy, it’s just the time of year. I invite you to be gentle and patient with yourself as you feel whatever it is you’re feeling, and know that this too shall pass. This is actually an amazing time to lean into the chaos, sort through the clutter, and throw some things away (both internally and externally)! A simple journaling practice is so helpful for me. There is no rhyme or reason to it, I just let the pen hit the paper and let the thoughts race out of me. Meditation is also a great practice. If you’re new to it and/or feel intimidated by it, an easy way to begin is to set your phone timer for 5 minutes, find a comfy sitting position, and breathe. This can be excruciating at first and your mind WILL be all over the place, and that’s okay. It’s called practice for a reason. Just the act of giving your mind space to roam while returning to focusing your awareness on the breath is beneficial. You’ll probably find that the more you practice, 5 minutes begins to go by really fast and you’ll want more time! You’re not going to solve all of your life’s problems in these moments, but you will become aware of the way your mind likes to tell stories, and this awareness alone can bring you so much peace.
I hope this doesn’t come across as me trying to say that if you choose to retreat at The Emerald Haven, you will be going through difficult or challenging initiations! If there is anything you take away from this, let it be that there is no greater place to transform and evolve than being completely surrounded by nature. Nature is designed to heal us as we are nature, too. My nervous system regulated to a level that I had never experienced before, my breaths became deeper, and I felt new levels of self-compassion and grace. I can’t recommend a stay at The Emerald Haven enough. Amber has created this space with so much intention, care, and love and she holds a beautiful container for transformation. There is unlimited potential for healing and peace here, and I wish everyone who desires it gets the chance to experience it for themselves.